A hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, “May I help you?”
The man says, “Yes, I’m in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’s going to jump out the window.”
The desk clerk says, “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s a personal issue”
The man replies, “Listen, I can’t get the window open … and that’s a maintenance issue.”
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At the regular Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that he was planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Newton and Brookline, stands up and proclaims “If the rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van, to transport their children!”
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands up and says, “If the rabbi will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary, and establish a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!”.
More sighs and loud applause.
Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, “If the rabbi stays, I will give him sex!” There is total silence.
The rabbi, blushing, asks her: “Mrs. Rubin, you’re a wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?”
Estelle’s 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies: “Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and Abe said, “Screw em.”