This old timer went to his nearby CVS Pharmacy, and went straight to the back where the Pharmacist is located. He took out a little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter. The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help. The old timer said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?” Seeing the guy was a senior citizen, the Pharmacist played along. He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around. Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.
When he finally was finished, the old timer looked him right in the eye and asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?” The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!”
The old timer said, “Oh, thank God! That’s a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!”
“Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin'”. Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
“I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: No good in bed, but fine against a wall.” Eleanor Roosevelt
“Last week, I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.” Mark Twain
“The secret to a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.” George Burns
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” Victor Borge
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” Groucho Marx
| Jewish Rye Bread
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies. You’ll feel like 40 again!” So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any Jewish rye bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?” He said, “I want five loaves.” She said, “My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.” He replied, “I can’t believe it. Everybody knows about this shit but me.” |